"Keep Fit With Viv"

Oooh dear! I was getting relentlessly serious! You must have wondered what had happened to me. It couldn't last. Thank goodness. And so tonight we were listening to Radio 2's 'Sunday Half Hour' at 8.30 pm. Don't laugh; they often play some really good hymns sung by excellent choirs, and to tonight we had the trumpetty version of 'All people that on earth do dwell', and 'For all the saints', and finally 'Oh when the saints go marching in'. This last one had me dancing around the kitchen in mi rubber gloves - one blue and one yellow - and after that there was some programme in celebration of the popular song ("...you can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles" - remember that?), for a whole hour, and I couldn't stop the dancing and remembered that that is what kitchens are really for.

Mirror, mirrors on the wall

Then I thought that I ought to share with my public, both of you, this secret of a healthy life, so here goes. You will need some space, a minumum of 4 ft x 4 ft. If it is more, all well and good, but if it is only this, then don't despair. You will need some mirrors on the wall (illustrated) - as many as will fit - so that you can check your posture, and also pull faces at yourself and not feel as though you are dancing alone. Also some suitable shoes, preferably from a dancing shop - some things that are like very bendy trainers are ideal - but make sure you have a good springy sole if you think you might leave the ground at any stage; you have to land again sometime after all. No special clothes recommended, though perhaps make sure your underwear is suitable for viewing by the public as it may well become visible as you get hotter and take off the outer layers, and if your kitchen window is near a footpath, well... Then the music.

This can be something you have chosen, or it might be just something on the radio that gets you going all of a sudden without warning. I was alerted to the music of John Adams this way one teatime when Radio 3 was on:  http://www.amazon.com/John-Adams-Harmonielehre-Chairman-lontana/dp/B000002RU2/ref=sr_1_2?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1320013216&sr=1-2; and mediaeval pilgrim music is a good choice, as I think it was designed to get them covering the miles without noticing; they'd fly by with this (I speak from experience) http://www.amazon.com/Way-Bethlehem-Music-Medieval-Pilgrim/dp/B00000144X which is excellent.

Remember you have to land sometime

Then just let rip. Do whatever you like, as long as it is moving, fast or slow. Clutch a couple of weights up to about a kilogramme, and get whirling like a windmill, or remember some yoga poses from some past class you went to and do moving versions; or the Black and White minstrels will do; whirl, twirl, waltz, strip the willow, tap dance, whirling dervish stuff, tai chi-like slow stuff, any kind of movement, and I'd say especially one you invent as you go along, is all that is needed. You aren't trying to impress anyone except yourself. 'Blimey!' I think, 'I can do 'I'm a tree blowing in a gale' as well as any six-year-old'. The idea is not to do any particular dance, unless there are some that you used to do or aspire to do. The point is to move, and to move joyfully. That's all. Do this a minimum of three times in a week, and I can guarantee that you will improve in fitness by the end of that week, and your sessions will get longer and longer, because you'll enjoy it, which is more than you can say for most of the dreary exercise routines you've probably tried in the past. If you really can't leave the ground, then just wiggle and jiggle.

If you have some weights, say from kitchen scales, that you can arrange in a heap that in total weighs as much as your excess, if you have any, then you'll enjoy looking at it and thinking how it's going to disappear in a fun way. Don't knock it till you've tried it!

Disclaimer: Viv accepts no responsibility for smashed kitchen equipment, broken bones, silly smiles due to lift in your mood, or visits from the noise abatement people that may occur as a result of these practices.