Jam-jar declaration

Tonight's the night! Sorry for the absences! Blog posts don't just happen; conditions have to be right. I find lists of embryonic posts in my various notebooks, and sometimes they can be reconstituted into what they were meant to be; others just die a death, and there was one list which included these memory-jogging phrases: 'Garlic in my handbag; walk to St Aldhelm's/Finisterre (just like the camino; clothes off! S'land!); knickerlady my erudite inspiration.' What the ???

And so tonight I have a bit of a list building up, and before 'Jam jar declaration' becomes stale, I thought I'd get it down, or up, as we say in blog-speak.

Up or down? You choose!

And so there's this title 'Fun on the underground'. I recently introduced my grandson Eric to one of my little pleasures/challenges, which makes journeys a bit more fun. That is to stand in a hopefully not-too-full carriage, not holding on to any straps or bars or leaning on anything, and try to stay upright for the whole journey, wobbles and acceleration/deceleration included. It's great practice for windsurfing too; lucky Londoners! The other thing I do is when I'm on the escalators. It works best if it is a really long one. You look up the up escalator or down the down one, and try to imagine that the up-one is a down-one and vice versa. Not difficult. The fun is in that the altered perspective makes gravity feel as though it has all gone wonky, and the real success is when you feel you are going to fall over. So it is almost the opposite of the first game.

I had some other fun on the trains too when at Hull station. I saw this door open on the platform, and noticed an A4 paper sign on a metal cupboard door, which said '1ST CLASS FOOD' and for some reason this seemed really funny to me. So out came the camera with the thought of sharing the joke with my public. The idea of another cupboard '2ND CLASS FOOD' was what went through my mind. But no sooner had I taken it and this BLOKE appeared at my side. He seemed sort of smooth, younger than me, close cut hair, smart fitted overcoat, a bit like a TV detective, unsmiling, and he said, 'You shouldn't be doing that, taking pictures here' and I said 'Oh sorry! But there's something really funny in there - look - it says '1st class food' !' but somehow I seemed to be getting nowhere; faltering slightly, I said 'I think it's really REALLY funny!' and he just looked even more stony and said that that was his office, and that this was a security issue. So I said, 'Oooh dear, look, I'll delete it, will that make you feel better?' But he just disappeared behind some of those plastic strips designed to keep cold things cold. (There are some people who are simply untouched by Joie de Viv. Strange.) But when I told t'owd man what had happened, he looked very stern and I was worried to start with; but then he said I ought to write and complain because 'You are only a little lady in her late 50s taking an innocent picture of something on public view.' I suppose it is always possible that I might have the appearance of someone part of a plan to poison the entire stock of snacks that would be consumed by the richer folk of Hull on their way to London, fired by recent anti-capitalist activity. I'm right behind you and your clamp-down, sir.

So now I am turning my hand to more usual pursuits, and have been busy embroidering by hand, which is most unusual for me, but I discovered I liked it, and that in this respect I am ambidextrous too. Here is my new embroidery frame stand, which enables one to embroider with both hands (you sit on the bottom bit), passing the needle to and fro speedily between them. It can be ordered from Barnyarns at:

http://www.barnyarns.co.uk/SONATA-Seat-Frame-pr-16453.html

I'll have to end, though, with the story of North London, where apparently some people open conversations by asking 'Where do you ski?' Second class food would probably kill them.

Oh! Just as well I looked at my list again. It says 'Jam jar declaration'. Yes, this is me thinking about what I would do if I ruled the world. One of the things I would insist on is that all jam should be sold in jars with labels that come off easily so that you can refill the jar with one's own produce and re-label it 'Mrs Pankhurst's Preserves' or whatever. The marmalade jars from Lidl are excellent, as these just peel off. There are some terrible jars where even a long soak in sludgy washing up water won't get them to float off, and these would be outlawed. Think I'll do my first public rally on Hull railway station, platform 2.